You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Your dad touched me again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am mentally ready for anal.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
