R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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