It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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