Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
