Just fell off a train. Bad.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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