she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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