I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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