You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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