Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
