I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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