then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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