Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
