sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
