the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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