Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
