Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
