I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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