It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
