Plan B is the new Plan A
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
