He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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