you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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