I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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