I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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