there's paper in my vomit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
