Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
