my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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