Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
