So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
