Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
