In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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