great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.