No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife