Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
