For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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