The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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