I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You have to summon your inner elephant
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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