so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
