i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
