True but thats because hes a fetus.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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