I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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