; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
