All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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