I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
