I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
