Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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