i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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