She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I understand Curling. That high.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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