i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
