I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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