I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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