to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
