..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
