I can text with my tongue
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
