my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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