I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
