Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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