just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My feet surprised me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
