He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
