fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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