Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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