We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
