Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
