Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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