walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
