meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In America we eat man semen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
