Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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