How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
