Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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