He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize