I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
