Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you had me at cake vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
