My friends, they love my intelligence
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize