Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
