this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
