12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
