Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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