dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
