Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
